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“The Fifth Wind Speaks” - "The Stars of the Apocalypse" series continues with today's one-on-one chat with The Fifth Wind Of Destruction.

“Spam Nostalgia” - Here’s something I never thought I’d hear myself say … I miss Spam.

“Retro YouTube” - I've been perusing YouTube for an average of about 13 hours a day for the better part of a week,

“Netflix Mistress” - I considered a disguise, but the standard fake-beard-and-glasses doesn't work so well for someone who has a beard and wears glasses.

“The Orange Slip Theory” - The Orange Slip Policy is unfair and I hate it.

"An Inconvenient Party Guest" - A casual little cocktail party - AL GORE enters, looks around the room, and makes his way to the food table.

"Netflix Wars" - Noam Chomsky is cool, I guess, but that hardly gives my wife the right to place him above "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" in our Netfilx queue.

"X-Men Powers" - I just came from seeing the latest X-Men movie, and it got me thinking: in a world where any mutation is possible, which ones would I want?

"Medically Trained" - I am medically trained. I can take care of you.

"Curling Commentary" - I know that curling is the punch line of Olympic sports, but I found myself really getting into it...

"Washboard Blues" - I've discovered that after a few years of marriage, the reality of the relationship starts to edge out any fantasies you may have once had.

"Night Before Christmas" - When all of the sudden there arose such a clamor, that I said, "What be that?" forgetting my grammar.

"Christmas Letter" - The much-anticipated Christmas letter from my Aunt Faye in Hushpuckena, Mississippi.

"Quiz Obssession" - Are you obsessed with taking quizzes? Take this quiz and find out.

"My Father Was Right" - An otherwise glorious experience is marred by the fact that my father was right.

"An Open Letter to People Who Still Say,'Happy Camper'" - "Happy Camper" has lived a full, rich life, and it's time to let it pass with dignity. are some possible answers.

"My Accountant" - I would have no problem swearing under oath that driving to the grocery store and laughing at funny fruit and vegetable names is a necessary part of my job.

"Legalize Coffee" - What if, 70 odd years ago, coffee had been made illegal instead of cannabis?

Barry Smith’s “IRRELATIVITY” appears weekly in the Aspen Times.

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Go to the latest column.