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Are you obsessed with taking quizzes? Take the following quiz and find out.
1. When taking a quiz, multiple choice questions are my favorite:
True
False
2. I prefer true/false questions on my quizzes because:
1) 50/50 chance.
2) You can flip a coin.
3) Only two things to choose from.
4) They don't give you that bullshit "all of the above" option.
5) All of the above.
3. While taking quizzes, I like to:
1) Imagine myself taking a quiz.
2) Imagine myself taking a quiz - naked.
3) Use a pen rather than a pencil, because that makes it so much more exciting.
4) Revel in my good fortune at being able to take a quiz, while simultaneously counting down the seconds until I can take my next quiz, because I really, really likes taking me some quizzes.
4. Fill in the blank - I have used quiz-taking as a substitute for ----
1) Food.
2) Certain primal "needs."
3) Blood.
4) The natural flow of oxygen through the body.
5. On a scale of 1-10, rate how you feel about each of the following letters:
A -
B -
C -
D -
6. Word find. There is a word hidden in the following jumble of letters - can you find it?
Xxxxxhixxxxx
7. Can you imagine what your life could have been like had you spent less time doing quizzes (including this one) and more time doing anything else?
True
False
8. On a scale of A-J, rate how you feel about the following numbers:
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
9. Complete the following: My kingdom for a -----.
1) Number 2 pencil.
2) What's to complete? It looks fine to me.
3) Passable knowledge of Shakespeare, enough to be able to throw out a quote every now and then so that people think I'm smart.
4) Bigger, more modern kingdom, one with a hot tub.
10. A train leaves Philadelphia carrying 5 apples, and it gives Billy 2 of them. How long ago did quiz-related jokes involving trains leaving stations and Billy's apples stop being funny?
1) < 1 year
2) 1-3 years
3) 3-5 years
4) I still think they're funny.
5) All of the above.
11. Rearrange these letters to form a new sentence.
1) Generator malcontents hereafter sweeteners.
2) Teenagers watermelon consenters thereafter.
3) Telemeter consonants regenerate freshwater.
4) Sweethearts freestone electron arrangement.
5) The Battle of Lexington and Concord.
12. How many times do you need to say the word "quiz" aloud before it starts to sound weird?
1) 1-10
2) 11-20
3) 21-30
4) > 30
5) Weird? "Quiz?" Never. I've named all of my pets "Quiz." One of them is a bird who squawks "QUIZ" all day long.
13. Which of the following words would never be used in real life, but would only be found as the possible answers in a vocabulary quiz:
1) Raillery
2) Nugatory
3) Phillumenist
4) Callithump
5) Man, I love quizzes. Seriously, though.
SCORING: Give yourself a variety of points based on the answers you have given above. Total them up, attach significance to the resulting number, and proceed to feel either good or bad about yourself, depending on what you think this number means about you. Enjoy!
Irrelativity is © 2008 by Barry Smith. All rights reserved. No commercial use may be made of the material without prior arrangements with the author. And so on and so forth. If you want to put one of my columns on your web page, or include it in your employee newsletter, or use parts of it in your speech before the U.N., it would be so cool and considerate if you would email me about such things beforehand so we could discuss it.
“QUIZ OBSESSION”
Barry Smith’s “IRRELATIVITY” appears weekly in the Aspen Times.
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